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It Rained

from Drain by mourning dove

/

lyrics

it rained
the day is long
the lake, wide. this shallow water:
you have come to see me/i hardly see you.
all day i expect rain; did you send
these pictures when we did not know each other
so i might keep them somewhere long enough for you be revealed, some treasure
or are lockets for strangers before the feeling comes?

remember when we talked only of others,
until i felt some dark tremor, a precursor to the rain that has already come?
i might go from room to room, hiding in some alcove i think as you pass by
so i can watch without expression
and look and look and look. i have, yes,
great neutrality towards you. you want to be like some great river i talk about?
she that is beyond love,
that river, the dear river,
and if i felt a grand indifference as she does towards me, towards you?

i can hardly eat or sleep these days/ in a way, neither can you: but soon you will make your bed again,
a cartoon blessing like the small rubber animals, their silhouettes in the sun turn serious.

you come into my house to seduce my friend?
please come into my house, seduce my friend
one day she will wear roses in her hair,
what will you wear
if you don't both escape this happy exposure-

i have returned to the dock
yes, here now, i'll be your stranger
give you a bowl of rice and avocado
if you cry i will bear witness (and these heavens too)
when you cry, it begins to rain
the day that had darkened finally breaks.
i wish it broke so deep that the whole world came into being.

my life has not lately been such a terrible shame.
in this one regard only (always i had the storied light of
evening and the first foretelling of autumn that old home and
the unknown my lover the sky, where i like to
imagine i belong). as in, then my skin was formed i thought
of what i suffered through those hills,
i was deeply glad to know of something so immense.
once, yes, i walked through
that farmhouse dreaming and the dog howled through the night
and remember there are four staircases, but only one for the ghost)

yours is like a sculpture, i have great affinity
but also this fatal touch: you might think i am not terrible
(these vast rifts i think could be so kind),
but you too in this seemingly unbearable
i love to bear it, bear it all. relinquish anything,
but i do not have no spine. maybe it is brave
to forget yourself, deep tide of doubt,
maybe you come to the surface on the wave of some kind thought,
a return to you then/something true then.
if i didn't know to swim, i'd say
"all bodies rise to the surface, living or dead
most are not identifiable."
i was always glad to find
someone who could meet my eyes.
i will come out of this water glad to tease and shiver-
i might live and die of myself (and so many stories)-
to me, you are:

i would spend some time in a room.
i would spend some time in a room.
i would spend some time in a room
and tell me you care about something other than i/it rained when you began to cry. i don't know you, i cannot know you,
i am so intensely glad to know you,
to care, i know nothing. one day,
i might revisit you like a place
bringing gifts from faraway,
indefensibly,
i might use your name.
would you forgive my dreams? after all,
i only have dreams.
i might take you up (only if you were-
often i wish you would come to me- asking)
is every invitation a secret sacrifice burnt into the sweet smoke of the day as the lifted haze of this infinite mourning, in your wake i will
surely take a walk.
don't comfort me, i feel as mild and abstruse
as the wind that blew the canoe back across the pond.
i would rather you have granted some
fiercer suffering simply so i might
hang it up and arrange the notes, we all need
something to do. i would commit myself
to anything so long as it was, beautiful.
i also cannot vindicate you, hold you up in any way
except to the light as settles across the smudged work of evening,
i hope you wake in the day knowing your own always,
that you slip into your own room, but someday come back out again
to stand alone looking at what beauty the world has offered us.

credits

from Drain, released April 16, 2021

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